Invisible Wounds

 Here I am, standing on the brink of womanhood, only now realising why the little girl inside of me still bleeds of old wounds. The world has called her names, told her she wasn't good enough and failed to protect her from the thousand emotional deaths she has died all her life. I never realised it until the last time I called her stupid, for making mistakes, for doing the best she knew how to, and for the pain she has suffered at the hands of others. 

Everyone had always protected and sheltered her from the probable physical dangers of this world, but never gave her the warmth and love she always craved. So it makes sense why she would find that love in the most unlikely, violent, and dangerous places. It was Lauren Eden who said, "When you are not fed love on a silver spoon, you learn to lick it off knives". I find that statement to be especially true for the young girl who fell for the wrong person and the wrong love her entire life; because she never knew what love feels like and never knew how it feels to be loved and cared for. 

I told her it was her fault for trusting the wrong person, for loving the wrong people, for not standing up for herself sooner than she did. But I was wrong. She didn't do anything wrong, how could she when she didn't know what was right or wrong. I, for one, am done calling her stupid, for being a human being, for someone who was never loved right. Even I have never loved her hurt and wounded parts for what they were, so how would those wounds ever stop bleeding? The only way forward is unconditional love, for her, for myself, and for the mistakes we make. So yes, all I needed to heal her was empathy.

I have had empathy for everyone but myself, and acceptance of every person but me, when all I needed to do, was to tell that little girl inside me that it was okay. It was okay to just...be. It was okay to make mistakes. It was okay to burn down your whole life. The only thing that was never okay, was to believe that you're "stupid", "dumb", or "not good enough". Never in my entire life, will I ever demean my past selves by disrespecting them. All it took me to realise my worth was 23 years of my life, and I hope to never ever forget it.

I hope to never forget to love all my selves and their invisible wounds unconditionally. 

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