December

 It has been so long since I wrote anything, let alone this blog. This year has been full of ups and downs. The ups were euphoric while the downs were hellish, and sitting between this chaos was my inner voice. She kept trying to make me understand the meaning of it all, the purpose of it all, the answer to it all; if only I had the guts to listen to her. I spent months and months trying to control everything in my life, my environment, my thoughts, my feelings, only to realize that there is nothing in my control, not even my mind. The only thing I can control is my actions and my reactions to the world around me. I cannot change or control the world around me. I can only control how I perceive and how I respond to it. The only control is through surrendering to the universe around you. Let your thoughts run wild, let yourself feel life to the fullest. Let the pain inside your heart, let the wounds overwhelm you. Let yourself live. 

Here I am, sitting on a lonely December night, after having an "unpleasant" week, feeling peaceful despite everything I have on my mind, everything I "should" worry about, and everything that's keeping me down at the moment. I would say this is one of the biggest achievements a person could have in their entire life; finding balance and peace amidst chaos. Not striving for happiness but for balance between euphoria and melancholy; striving for wisdom and peace. Loving life when it feels unlovable, especially then; because everything, the good, the bad, the pain, the failures, the wounds, everything makes life worth living.

Nothing, nothing, can ever make life not worth living.

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