The Secret Garden

 Lately, I have been having a pretty good week; I am happier, I have more energy, and even if something bad happens I can brush it off quickly and not let it drown me in sadness again. All because I am trying, trying to work through the stress, trying to be mindful through the melancholia, simply trying to do better.  Trying your best is what I believe matters the most, even if you don't succeed at your task. Trying and failing is better than just giving up your hope. Trying and failing is better than doing nothing at all. Trying, I believe, is the cure against helplessness.  The key to everything is to try. All my life, everyone has told me to always keep trying, finally I seem to have learned the lesson. Not giving up when things don't go your way, or the days when it seems that there is no way out, is the day to keep on trying even if you don't have hope.  I have been trying to do things that make me happy, even when I do not have the motivation to do it, and it h...

 I think what makes life beautiful is the little things we experience every day. People (including me) make the mistake of believing that achieving their long-term dreams and needs is what gives life meaning, or makes them happy. It does, it is going to make you happy with no bounds the moment you achieve what you set out to, but you often forget that it is  long-term. If you attach all your happiness and meaning to it, what about the days when things don't go according to plan? What about the days when your dreams and hopes seem unbelievably out of your reach? What about the days when you are faced with setbacks? Does it take away all the meaning and happiness out of your life?  I feel like the little things matter more than the big things in your life. A little text from your loved one saying "I believe in you" on those sleepless nights when your dreams seem hopeless, the look you share with your best friend when that annoying person says something, the feeling of joy w...

I never understood why sustaining happiness is such a hard task. One moment you're fine, feeling happy and energetic, another moment you're a sobbing mess. Even if you're able to sustain that happy feeling for more than a few days, you can feel the exhaustion, the energy it takes out of you. You can feel your sadness, and your hopelessness creep in the back of your mind, getting stronger each second and waiting for you to let your guard down, waiting for you to stop making the conscious effort to keep yourself happy. One wrong move and it all comes crashing down. It basically feels like you're constantly playing a game of Jenga with your emotions. A Jenga Tower of Sadness.  But even after this, you don't give up. You pick those pieces up and set them up again, hoping this time you get lucky and it doesn't collapse on you again. But it does, you pull out the wrong piece, and your emotions collapse again, and again, and again. It turns into a vicious cycle of heal...

There aren't many things in my life right now that I'm happy with or even like, but there is one thing that I cherish a lot. The people in my life. I do not find myself as close with my family, so I have found my own family in my friends. They make me feel like there is more to life, more to live for if you find it hard to live for your own self. They make you feel like there is light in the middle of darkness.  But one person in particular has made life worth living, worth enjoying. That person, always so full of life, my light in the darkness, is my boyfriend. He is the best human being you could ever want in your life. Can you imagine having someone who is always there for you, gives you food, listens to you rant for the thousandth time about the same old shit, calm you down when you're being crazy, and basically takes care of you and wants nothing more than for you to be happy? Because that's what he's like. He is the one person, who will always be there for me ...

Hi, welcome to my little corner of the universe. I am a 22-year-old girl, and I have been struggling with my mental health basically all my life, but the last 2 months have been especially hard since I have completely lost my grip on who I am and what makes me happy. I'm starting this blog as a way to create a safe space for myself, and for anyone who finds it, where I can share my thoughts and beliefs and hopefully the extremely bizarre mind I possess. I am a person who used to be an optimist, a daydreamer, and an idealist, but lately, life has thrown me curveballs that I like to call cynicism, bitterness, and hopelessness. I have no idea what I'm doing, where I'm going with my life, or what people call "just being in your 20s". But thankfully I have somebody who cares about me enough to push me to work for the life I want, even though I have no hope, but I have somebody who has my share of hope right now to get me through this dark period of my life. That certai...